Balance

It's been a long time since I posted.   I have had my write up of my Ironman Florida 2013 recap in draft since November.   I have thought about completing it on several occasions, but for some reason --- I continue to put it to the side.

This morning I went to VQ, because I had to work until about 7:30pm tonight and wouldn't be able to take the night class.   I woke up and got there -- I kinda felt like a zombie….until, I got on the bike and I pedaled.   My mind was clear.  My leg is weak, but is finally listening when I say "go."  I focused on the workout.   My power number is the lowest it has been in 2 years -- but it was set for where I need to be.  I focused on making the goals and not doing more -- even if I felt like I could.   I don't know what happened -- but I had all of these feelings and memories of Ironman pop up during this work out.  The smile I had on my face -- screaming of joy as the spectators cheered -- the rhythm I had on my bike -- the journey I completed with my teammates. (GOSH I want that feeling again!)  I looked down at my feet this morning as I was pushing through an interval and I was just so happy to be there and be cycling.  

The endorphins were crazy -- and pushed me through the whole day until I got a not so good call regarding work around 2pm.   However, these endorphins helped me handle it and not have as much stress as I had throughout the day.  I wasn't "high" but I wasn't extra stressed either.

So… why am I saying this?  I think it's important for me to come clean.  I want to share my experiences with others.  I am also working on changing my habits and get back doing what I love.

So… what happened?  Well, several events occurred and I got into some bad habits after my Ironman.   Honestly, a lot of it has to do with my inability to manage stress -- and my new role at my job that I got promoted to in October last year spun me around several times and it has taken me several months to feel somewhat comfortable.   It has taken me 6+ months to realize that I can't continue being unhappy, out of shape, not eating right (or at all during the day for that matter), and being unbalanced.   That's right I STRUGGLE WITH BALANCE.  (SHOCKER ;))

I was injured -- but I wasn't doing anything that I could do.  I didn't swim.  I didn't lift weights.   I didn't walk.  I didn't do core exercises.   I would work, work, work -- and exhaust myself.  Management is so difficult, unpredictable, and challenging -- and I let my work and stress about work take over.  I ate cookies and I laid in bed on the weekends because I was so exhausted from the stress and my inability to balance my life.  

I did try to back into the swing of things, but instead of gradually working my way back in… I went full speed. BALANCE.   So, I stopped doing anything.  I did go to therapy but I wouldn't do everything I needed to do.   I knew sitting made it worse -- and unfortunately with my job I sit a lot, but I can stand at a computer.   I continued to sit and not do what I needed to do heal.   BALANCE.  

I did try -- but I would have a bad day and be back to square 1.  I could not get the BALANCE I needed to take care of myself again.  

Well.. July 4 was my turning point.   I met some teammates for the Watermelon 5k -- anxious to just see what I could do.   A teammate, Melissa, said she'd be willing to run with me.   I hate holding people back -- but the way she looked at me it really made me feel like she wanted to run with ME.  She didn't care about my pace.   It was the longest I have run in 3 months.   A 5k.   I was exhausted.   It felt harder than the Ironman I did back in November.   However --- it wasn't the run itself that was the turning point.   Two specific events occurred and probably in the perfect order.

1) Melissa told me basically that I could get back into training, but I had to go slow.  She said that I had to let go of my ego.   I laughed and I said "I have no ego anymore -- I can't do anything!"   Now, while I knew I had to put my ego aside and go the freaking pace that I should go -- it really needed to be said to me.   I think people try to beat around the bush when it comes to saying something like that, but it was truly Melissa and her willingness to be there for me and also say what I needed to hear that was a game changer for me.   Lesson:  Put the ego away -- you need balance, you can't be balanced if you try to go as fast and hard as you were going in November and in the best shape of your life.  Also, let others help you and guide you.  BALANCE.

2) About 5 minutes after Melissa had that "come to Jesus" talk, we saw Leny another teammate.  She is battling cancer.  She was dressed up as she always was (CUTE!), she was wearing a sign for friends battling cancer, and -- she stopped as always and wanted to take a PHOTO PHOTO.   She was out there.   She has a positive spirt and good energy.   She was doing her best to have BALANCE.   I could barely keep my composure when I saw her.  Lesson: CUT THE CRAP, No more excuses.   Need to stay positive no matter the obstacle. Try harder to have balance (and be positive when I struggle).

Thank you Leny and Melissa for helping me.  You both helped me realize that either I start having better BALANCE or I was going to continue on an unhappy path.

So, I am doing my best to have a better balance.   I gotta tell you -- for me, the past 6 months have been more of a challenge and struggle than Ironman training.   I would rather train for an Ironman then have an inconsistent unpredictable schedule any day.   I can do that -- I know I can.  But, what I need to work on is BALANCE.  It's going to take me time… but I can do it.  :) 


It’s braver to be Clark Kent than it is to be Superman. 
Thank you Glennon.

I will get that Florida recap done too -- because I need to share my day and how AMAZING it was.  :)